Thumbs Atwiddle in Antalya

Occupied several thousand years ago and continuously inhabited since the 2nd century BC, Antalya stands now as the unofficial capital of Mediterranean Turkey. Traces of Hittite, Roman, Byzantine, Ottoman and Italian cultures are visible in the architecture and ruins, sandwiched between the hotels and resort centers now serving the flocks of drunken Eastern Europeans who flock like lemmings to this area. Phaselis, the sub-city in which I am staying, known as Lycea to the Greeks, is the home to many interesting ancient structures. This hotel-resort is all-inclusive which means: Unlimited free drinks + Russians everywhere equals a veritiable orgy of vodka, whiskey, vodka, tequila and vodka. It is actually enjoyable - jaw-dropping, really - to watch them suck gallons of ethanol into their gills, only to eject, with satisfying gack-sounds, from the same aperture five hours later. It is all extremely beautiful here, the water blue and creamy, mountains crashing into the Mediterranean sea, half-bikinied Russian and Turkish beauties writhing in 100 degree sunlight.

My programmming must be seriously whacked because I am f'ing bored out of my mind.

Due to my lack of planning -- only partly my fault as I was imprisoned on rails for many days during the torturous junket back to Moscow -- I was essentially locked into some kind of charter flight to Turkey and into this 5* hotel (which, as I've been told and now see as fact, means 3.5* in the USA). It is oh-so-lovely and nearly everyone I know back home would be ecstatic to be lounging around the three pools and sandy beaches watching the beautiful boys and girls scampering about. Right now my melanin has topped out to red-bronze, I have sand in every orifice and my tropical drink quota has redlined. All in one day. And because of the annoying Euro-redneck Formula One Grand Prix that is being staged for the first time ever up in Istanbul, I am unable to book any accomodation whatsoever there, necessarily extending my stay in Antalya for another day.

Across the street I have spotted a shop where I can rent a motorbike for the day. I'm contemplating going into one of the mountain villages to see what kind of trouble I can stir up.