Syktyvkar

Slowly dropping from the sky in our Tupelov-182, the pine green forests of Northern Russia focus as we prepare to land. Two hours north-northeast by plane from Moscow, Syktyvkar is the administrative and financial center of the Komi Republic, sometimes called the Klonkide territory of Russia. The Sysola River ensnakes and cradles this city of 230,000, which is not especially developed for tourism and certainly not visited often by foreigners. I have been traveling with two German expatriates from the USA, both blonde auditors for the Department of Defense, while I represent the Department of State. When checking into our hotel (one of two in town and neither with consistent hot water), advanced word must have spread that Americans were coming because the lobby was sprinkled with more than a couple Russian rubberneckers. Indeed, in our 40 long hours in the region, we routinely received sideways-glances, peeks from around doors and the occasional outright hello as we strolled through the various hallways and sidewalks. Not threatening but not altogether welcoming either.

Far from the fantasyland that is Moscow, now one of the world's most expensive cities, this is real Russia, where a good wage is $40 a day and drinking a nightly bottle of Baltika-3 on the city center's steps is the good life. During Soviet times, this region was the workhorse for the timber industry and heavy industrialization has left the river and soil beds oil-soaked and severely polluted. One of my roles here is to monitor progress on a project development in which a sorbent (pulverized peat moss) is artifically infused with oil-destroying bacteria and fungi, which is then sprayed onto aqueous and subterranean oil spills. The work is quite amazing and I find it very satisfying and somewhat fitting that yesterday's bioweapon experts are spearheading northern Russia's fledgling environmental movement.
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I am now in Yerevan, Mount Ararat looms in the background, report later.

Slowest baud rate ever

I am in Syktyvkar, in the Komi Republic of the Russian Federation, after a long long day of work. Many interviews with ex-weapons scientists, lots of discussions about microbial-fused sorbents being used to attack oil spills. Could this get any better?

I'm in the world's slowest internet cafe. I swear the baud rate here is 14400, so I'm going to have to cut this short. We leave for Armenia tomorrow so hopefully I can gather up enough for a report then to make my fans proud.

First ISTC meeting

Nothing too exciting to report today, just interviewed two weapons-trained ex-soviet scientists today who probably know how to kill me with modified fingernail bacteria. Because the jetlag is catching up to me and also that I haven't eaten very well today, I am falling asleep at this internekt cafe. It is humid here but the rain has yet to fall. Alexei, my driver, has been shuttling me and my colleagues around all day, at breakneck speed. St. Basil's cathedral dances and gambols as the sunlight fades to dusk.

MOCKBA once again

Sitting next to me on Lufthansa Flight 1283 to Moscow was Igor, the ex-pilot from Rostov-on-Don, currently working as a dealer on the Alaskan route of Princess Cruises and Arnold, the owner of five matress-making factories in Russia and China and, though from Joplin MO, could speak six languages. Lufthansa's policy of free alcoholic drinks to all and one tasty vegan breakfast for me qualifies it for Greatest. Airline. Evar. Plus the bright yellow pillbox hats on the flight attendants totally rule.

Having my name on the little placard as I walked up totally ruled and soon I was taxi-deep in the madness that is Moscow. As I have said before, the test of truly knowing a language is whether you can read it at over 80 mph and, I must say, I was dealing with it pretty well. Of course Alexei insisted on a windows-down policy so I arrived at the soviet-plush Hotel Metropole 45 minutes later looking a little more windswept and red-eyed than normal. My hotel is nestled between the world-famous Bolshoi Theatre and Red Square so I had to knock down a couple of Chinese tourists just to get to the door. The foto at left, btw, was snapped with my brand new black Motorola Razr, which I purchased for cheap -- groovy Cyrillic keypad and ice-queen salesperson attitude provided for free.

I don't know why Moscow feels so familiar to me. It's not like I know where everything really is but perhaps it's because I've bribed more than my share of policemen and stumbled around in the dead of night post-roofie. I can read all the signs, mostly, and I know how to conduct myself in a stare-down. I stay here for two days of business before being sent to Syktyvkar in the Komi region.

Devastating change in Las Vegas

Everything was going as planned. I had made it to the Hard Rock casino, dropped my baggage off with the greasy-haired bellboz and had made a beeline to Mr Lucky`s for the world's greatest veggie burgers. Long have I sung the praises of these gifts from the veggie gods, perfectly balanced by four watermelon wedgies and topped with a never-ending supply of diet cola. I must have had that look (most recently seen in The Descent when the buff Latina accidentally slices one of her friends in the neck with a makeshift icepick) -- one half "How could you?" with the other "I'm about to die" -- when I was told that the veggie burger had been taken off the menu just a week earlier. Of course I complained to the manager and to anyone who would listen, I even regaled them with my mostly true story of eating said burger with Rob Zombie poolside at the Hard Rock pool. My mission of harrassment of the Morton Group has only begun my comrades.

Flying out of Santa Maria by Allegiant was only slightly weird (too many cowboy hats and makeshift spittoons) but quite effortless. The $50 price cannot be beat plus the free parking rules (although thanks to Lisa I did not need).

My flight into Frankfurt was delayed by three hours because of a bomb scare in Dallas but I arrived safely and am at the airport hotel as we speak. Tomorrow morning I fly to Moscow and have my first business meeting. I´m not as jetlagged as I thought I´d be, mostly cause I stayed up all night in Vegas and worked out the balance on der flughafen.